A discussion with fellow comics Sai Sufi and Daniel Bordman. It is interesting to speak with “Cis hetrosexual men” about Trans issues, PC culture, the professionally outraged, the non-LGBT activists of LGBT rights, the threat to Freedom of Speech from these new government legislation’s on language. I do not vent much about Caitlyn Jenner or Laverne Cox but it is now time that someone says something. And again. I do not speak for any other trans people out there, these are only my personal opinions.
The more we talk about trans situations the more everyone will learn who we are. We can’t always get angry and demand things from people. Activism, in my opinion should be done with a certain amount of patience and understanding, towards those we are trying to reach and educate. And not all trans “roll models” are helping the cause, in fact some are creating more confusion. Educating people about trans issues should not be for profit first. And if it is, should it not at least be a clear and accurate message?
Watch discussion here (facebook)
August 17, 2015 at 3:51pm
I just read this article going around on FB by Emilee Danielson. I agree with three things in particular here, one being that FB should not have taken down her account for posting her opinion. Two that being a woman is certainty nothing to do with the way someone looks. And three that she is in fact a trans-phobic person (oh wait no one said that, oh wait I just did). Miss Jenner is entitled to change her pronoun and her name, and this should be respected no matter what your opinion is about her. Let me tell you something about life……
“I’ve heard you say you “identify as a woman”. But I find that highly unlikely and insulting. You see, Mr. Jenner, there is more to being a woman than beautiful gowns and fake boobs. There is more to being a woman than makeup and pretty hair. This is something we mothers begin teaching our young daughters at an early age.”
I agree with this. And as a comedian I have lots of fun pointing out this fact to an audience. Walking around on your patio in a long sexy robe blowing in the breeze, having a team of friends working on your hair and make-up and constantly going on about what to wear, is a bit far fetched for this trans woman (but as usual I am not speaking for all trans people). But sometimes we feel wonderful to finally have the opportunity do these things, and express our femininity that was taboo for years to many of us. And least us girly-girl types. But the important thing is Miss Jenner being a celebrity has and will bring a lot of attention, to the fact that trans people exist. Who are we to judge how she has chosen to deliver her message.
“As a woman of nearly 50 years, I can tell you what it is truly like to be a woman.”
Do tell! Wait, let me touch up my hair and makeup first, okay go.
“You may be able to understand or even empathize, but you are definitely NOT able to “identify”. For instance, you will never know what it is like to wake up every 28 days with searing stomach pain so bad it doubles you over, yet still trot off to work or school as though everything is fine. You will never know what it is like to have your car break down on the side of the road and when a couple men stop to help your prayer is that their intentions are good because there is no way on earth you have the ability to physically hang let alone overpower them. You have no idea what it is like to long to have a child only to have your third miscarriage, yet still manage to be able to share in the joy of all the other young mothers in your life. You will never know what it’s like to get pregnant, gain 40 lbs (1/3 your total body weight), hurl all morning long for 4 months straight, yet still care for your other two toddlers, and not drive your husband to the brink. You will never know what it is like to give birth to a 10 lb. baby boy with absolutely no medication!!! You will never know what it is like at the age of 50 to be walking down the streets of Phoenix and popping in the Dairy Queen for a cool refreshing treat only to be gripped at that moment with your fourth hot flash of the day.”
I can’t speak for Miss Jenner, but you are right I do not know what most of these experiences are like personally. But do all cis woman know how all of this feels? Not a lot of them that I know. But if you wish to talk about about how I as a trans woman feels
“to have your car break down on the side of the road and when a couple men stop to help your prayer is that their intentions are good because there is no way on earth you have the ability to physically hang let alone overpower them.”
It is the exact same as you feel, they look upon us as women and if they discover that we are not, the danger is the same if not worse for CIS or trans women.
“You have no idea what it is like to long to have a child only to have your third miscarriage, yet still manage to be able to share in the joy of all the other young mothers in your life.”
Yes I do. I obviously have never had a miscarriage of course, but i will never give birth to my own children. Please understand that a lot of trans people love children as much as anyone else. And to know we can never give birth to our own, can be extremely emotional and painful to some.
“You will never know what it’s like to get pregnant, gain 40 lbs (1/3 your total body weight), hurl all morning long for 4 months straight, yet still care for your other two toddlers, and not drive your husband to the brink. You will never know what it is like to give birth to a 10 lb. baby boy with absolutely no medication!!! You will never know what it is like at the age of 50 to be walking down the streets of Phoenix and popping in the Dairy Queen for a cool refreshing treat only to be gripped at that moment with your fourth hot flash of the day.”
I am so sorry that you and many other woman are/have or are going to be going through some or all of these things. I will not bore you with the many pains and downward spirals that I have experienced throughout my life as a trans woman. And I will not bore you about the many trans women who did not survive even their first year, trying to adjust and survive happily being trans, because of the many people who just will not let others live their lives, or “identify” a they wish. I will not bore you with the number or suicides and murders among the trans community. I do not and have not ever identified as a “woman”, I have always identified as a “trans woman”. but I do not speak for all. I do not remember at any time, Miss Jenner saying she is a “woman”, I do remember her saying she feels, as many of us do, she has always felt like she should have been born a “women”. Many trans people do identify themselves as “women” or as “men”, who are you to take that away from them? All humans have a right to identify as whatever they wish, and it is not up to you, me or anyone to judge otherwise.
“I have, in my life, met many women who have been widowed. For me to walk up to them and say I identify with them would be ludicrous. Like I said earlier, I can empathize with them, but I cannot identify myself as one of them because I don’t know what that is like – I can only imagine.”
Um, what is this supposed to mean? This point seems a tad ludicrous
“And lesson #1 for all true women is this – botox injections, plastic surgeries, designer clothing, and public approval is NOT what makes a woman. A real woman is one who in spite of the stretch marks, age spots, dirt under her nails and tired eyes, and even with 1/2 plastic photoshopped supermodels as her competition, she has carried herself in such a way that her family, husband, and children, see her real beauty and find her far more valuable than rubies or diamonds and they rise up and call her blessed.”
Last time I checked even cis women can enjoy the luxury of cosmetic procedures, nice clothing and even public approval. Are you not on FB? And last time I checked every gender has and can experience stretch marks, age spots, dirt under their nails and tired eyes. This sounds like a bit of a rant from a woman who may not be getting appreciated, but implying she is. I would not normally speculate, but since that is a large part of your message to Miss Jenner, why the hell not go down the road to speculation? And by the way, I hope you are not a teacher, because your lesson plan needs a vast amount of work.
“Mr. Jenner you are a privileged white male living in the U.S.A. In fact, you are so free and so privileged, you can even spend your massive amounts of money to change your outward appearance to whatever you wish. That is NOT something most woman around the globe are free to do even if they wanted. MOSTwomen in our world don’t even have access to a high school education. So, Mr. Jenner, I find your claim to identify as “a woman” disingenuous, uneducated, and honestly – quite offensive.”
Ms. Danielson I am not posting about your post to defend anyone or to speak for anyone. But I am posting on my particular FB wall, to let you know how I feel as a trans woman regarding your views. Though they where directed at Miss Jenner, they actually effect a large majority of trans people, men and women, who deserve respect and understanding. I find (only my opinion) that people like yourself write posts of this kind because they do not think the people they are posting about matter. Trans people do matter and we have feelings like everyone else. how dare you point out the pains of others to try to make us feel guilty or misguided. how dare you try to educate others when you are obviously far from qualified. And how dare you attack a trans person, who you deem privileged or otherwise, when you have no idea about her life or perhaps what she has gone through, even if she is a reality show personality.
My advice (as a non professional of course), is work on your own issues my dear. Because you seem to have many to work out. At the end of the day, we are all human beings just trying to do the best we can. Agree or disagree with our choices. But please do not imply that we do any of us do not understand women especially when most of us emulate, love and understand exactly what most are going though. I my dear find your entire post”disingenuous, uneducated, and honestly – quite offensive”. After all you can always feel like a stupid jackass withut having to be one 🙂